It was a Wednesday morning about 7am Michael rang me. He always rang me that time before work as he rings Kaycee in morning to see how she has done overnight. He told me she wasn’t the best and that overnight she had gone on to bipap (yet again Oldham failed to ring me to notify me) Michael wanted me to go up to just check on her before I made a start on her bedroom ready for Kaycee coming home.
I jumped out of bed cause my phone rang again, I thought it was Michel forgetting to tell me something but wait … “SCBU OLDHAM” on my phone screen, that was odd why are Oldham ringing me now, normally I would let it ring a few times but something was telling me to answer quicker, I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t remember much from the conversation just the words “Kaycee is not good, come quick” I knew this was bad because Oldham never rung us ever to update on phone.
I remember frantically trying to get back in touch with Michael and when he eventually answered all I could say was “My baby is not good, she needs us!” I made contact with my parents and I could hardly speak to them the words just wouldn’t come out at all. I remember getting dressed and thinking, I can’t wear this I look stupid (I had my Pj’s on, Ugg boots and a scruffy top) but I knew wasting time wasn’t an option.
It had been snowing too which made life so much harder because everything was icy and trying to de-ice a banger was not the easiest or quickest of tasks at the best of times never mind when you need to be there like half an hour ago. In the end I just cleared the driver’s side of the car and set off.
I don’t remember much of the car journey up there other than jumping plenty of red lights and Bruno Mars Grenade playing on the radio. I was crying loads because I just needed to get up there quickly and safely and I was doing none. I dumped my car on the main road on double yellows and ran up to the unit.
On arriving at the unit one of the nurses was waiting at the door for me, she opened it and her face said it all. I just remember feeling very faint and was hysterical screaming “please don’t tell me my baby has left me before I could say bye”. It was horrible, I remember thinking I need to see her, but do I want to see her. What am I going to do? What am I going to tell people? How can this be happening? Too many things were going round in my head.
I got up to the room and my eyes were hurting from the tears, my heart was pounding inside. I felt this hand on my shoulder and voice say “I’m sorry!” … I thought that was it, I thought she has left. Then the doctor spoke. Everything she said didn’t really go in. I just heard “unwell, critical, died, vented” I just couldn’t take everything in that I was seeing or hearing.
Kaycee didn’t look like my baby, she looked terrible. Like something you see out of a scary film (only way I can describe it and want to describe it to be honest) Kaycee had needed her heart starting twice, drugs to keep her sedated as she was very critical and she was vented. I touched her hand and her oxygen saturations plummeted. I was told off the doctor not to touch her as she was VERY unstable and the slightest thing could rock the boat in a big way. By this time Michael had arrived, I hadn’t noticed he had been there for half an hour getting the low down of what has happened. I felt like I was stood in a room all alone with my poorly baby screaming for help. It was horrible.
Kaycee’s consultant explained that she was getting transferred to a hospital where they could deal with her more and put her on a vent that would aid her a bit more. Her words after that were every parent’s worst nightmare. “She won’t survive this though, she’s very poorly” she seemed to repeat it and repeat it and told us she has to keep telling us because she knew it wasn’t going in and we needed to prepare for the worse. I just felt numb.
It took several hours to sort Kaycee out and get her stable enough for transport. I remember driving down me and Michael in the car, not speaking just in total shock.
No comments:
Post a Comment