Sunday morning came and Kaycee had a very unsettled night. Michael picked her out of the cot that morning and she was sick. He lay her next to him and said to me “She’s not right”. I remember going mad at him saying that he can’t be scared because we are going home. He was adamant that he wasn’t scared, and that Kaycee was unwell. In a tant I took Kaycee upstairs and told the nurses Michael was being a mard and that he was getting panicky about taking her home. The nurses checked Kaycee over and reassured Michael that Kaycee was ok and to try and put February out of minds.
Reassured we left Kaycee with the nurses as we had to pack up downstairs and do a quick run home with our stuff and get things more straight back there.
Back home we unpacked and did the last bits to Kaycee’s room. We waited in for the Oxygen guy to come and show us how to use it etc. We decided after that, we would go Tesco and get a bit of a shop in at home because after all we hadn’t been home for 8 months so we had nothing in and we planned on doing nothing when we got home so we needed food.
We piled the trolley up and then Michael told me just to check on Kaycee. This was something we rarely did whilst she was at Hope because the staff were pretty good and we had regained our trust in them.
I rung Room 3 up as she was in the “nursery” ready for home literally the next day. When I rung I was put on hold which I found odd, because generally in room 3 the room was only nursed with one nurse due to all the babies being ready for home so the nurse could look after 3. I just thought that she was busy. The next conversation was horrible.
I remember standing there and asking the nurse are you sure, its Kaycee’s mum your talking to. Nope the nurse had the right mum. She repeated again what she said “I was feeding Kaycee her tube feed and she went blue …” Nothing else sunk in what she said. I just remember putting the phone down telling Michael we had to go and dumping the trolley. We were in Oldham. Kaycee was in Salford. Yet again I found myself back to where I was in February driving like a complete moron with Februarys antics running wild in my head. I just blamed myself all the way back for leaving her.
This time I didn’t feel scared I knew she was in the right place, due to how well she had come on. On arriving back we got by Kaycee’s bed and her consultant from Oldham was looking after her. She told us that Kaycee went blue, and because she was due for going home her monitor was taken off her and when they put it on her saturations were very low and took a while to come up. She asked us if she had been unwell over the past few days and my first answer was no. Then I remembered what Michael had said in the morning. I physically felt sick. I couldn’t look him in the face at all. He knew that our girl wasn’t well and I was so set on going home I just ignored his plea. What have I done!!
To be fair to Kaycee’s consultant she tried everything, she looked after her all day when she had other patients. She ensured that she was settled, saturating right and everything and she never left the hospital until she was. She had spoken to us and told us the options. One being the vent if she gets to the point where she looks like she will need it. This obviously to us was not an option we wanted to go down.
Monday morning came, the day we was suppose to be rejoicing her finaly day in sCBU. Instead we sat besides her bed watching her get more poorly on cpap. She was moved to a bigger space and put onto the bipap which helps her breathe more.
The next few days were horrible and we personally think with better care the next part of her life could have been avoided despite what people state. I aint going to go into detail because this upsets me more than her massive episode. The conversations we had and how it happened will haunt me forever.
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